“I don’t love you anymore” is one of the worst sentences a guy can hear, especially when it comes out of the blue in the midst of what you thought was a good relationship. You don’t have screaming, horrible fights. You thought things were moving along nicely and suddenly she hits you with the revelation that she’s fallen out of love.

 

Why would this happen? Is there something you could have done to prevent it? Maybe. Following are the top reasons women typically fall out of love. So grab your pen and paper, fellas, and prepare to take notes.

Related posts:

1. Things Guys Really Don’t Care About In Relationships
2. How To Say I Love You For The First Time
3. Make him fall in love with you..

For most single adults, there has been a history of dating one person, seeing if it will lead to a  significant relationship, and then taking it as far as possible. If it ends, the cycle repeats. While there is certainly nothing wrong with trying to create a close relationship with one person, in our view this approach falls short in several respects.

First of all, the purpose of dating is to have fun; explore how emotionally and physically safe it is to be with your partner, learn as much as you can about this person, and ultimately discover if you are compatible for a long-term relationship (if that is your intention). In keeping with the purpose of dating, we advocate a conservative, defensive posture since it is our experience that there are many more people that don’t know how to date in a healthy manner than those that do. It is dangerous and risky to place yourself in a vulnerable situation until you really know who you are with.

Secondly, if you are coming out of a lonely period, it is more difficult to be objective about your new dating partner. It’s hard enough to keep your wits about you if you experience some degree of falling in love or become infatuated with this person. When that is coupled with not having been with someone for a while, it is an extremely potent combination that can quickly escalate into a full-blown intense relationship, often before you really know who you are dating.

The two best ways to de-intensify a new relationship are not seeing the person (or even having phone, text or email contact) every day, and dating other people. When you date only one person, you have nobody to compare that person to. You will tend to project all of your romantic fantasies (and other unfinished business) onto this person that you barely know. By dating other people at the same time, you give yourself a built-in reality check to insure that you see things a bit more clearly.

“Fine”, people say, “but how do you tell someone that you’re dating other people?” The answer is easy: be honest. Remember, you want to learn as much as possible about this person. Their reaction to your telling them you are seeing someone else will reveal some valuable things about their personality and maturity. 

There are three general rules of thumb for dating more than one person:

• Be upfront and honest. Tell them right away so there are no surprises later.
• If you initiate a physical relationship with someone, let your other partners know and ask if they are ok with it.
• If you become very romantically close and attached to one person, decide if it’s time to date exclusively.

There is nothing wrong with experimenting with several partners as long as you are careful and open about your intentions. Just because you don’t feel a connection with someone doesn’t mean they don’t feel one with you. Juggling can be fun, but also dangerous where feelings are involved.

Dating more than one person is a great way to de-intensify the beginning of a relationship, to learn more about each person you are dating, and to truly assess the health of each dating experience by having a clear basis for comparison. Remember, it’s your heart which is ultimately at stake. Choose wisely.

Related posts:

1. Avoid Dating Disasters
2. Things Guys Really Don’t Care About In Relationships
3. You’re Dating Mr. Wrong If…

As I watched in horror, I was pining for the Single Me with full custody of the remote control. Single Me released from rancid pessimism. Single Me without pepperoni and extra sauce dripping down the newly painted white (of course) wall.

Airborne pizza has a way of speed-dialing every doubt you’ve had about your marriage. And I expected such moments when I signed up. What has thrown me, however, is the drag of compromise, the extra weight of two lives trying to trundle forward together but instead holding each other back. After five years of gradually easing off good behavior, we’re left with a nearly constant scrape of differences.

Freedom beckons intoxicatingly, but then I wonder if my expectations aren’t unrealistic — whether I’ve got the makings of a good marriage but am foolishly holding out for perfect.  A 20-year study conducted on 2,000 subjects who started off married, says 55 to 60 percent of divorcing couples discard unions with real potential. Most of these people say they continue to love their betrothed but are bored with the relationship or feel it hasn’t lived up to their expectations.

So how do you know if you have one of those fixable marriages? And what is a good-enough marriage? Simply ask yourself, “Can I make my marriage good enough?” I’ve uncovered 10 questions you can ask yourself to help clarify whether or not your relationship, albeit imperfect, is worth a good go:

1. Are you exaggerating the negatives? For the next two months mark the good and bad days on your calendar for a reality check.

2. Have you already left the marriage by emotionally withdrawing? Or by giving up all attempts to make the relationship better? If so, can you find a way to re-engage?

3. Do you get so angry that you hit each other or throw things at least once a month? If the answer is yes, are you hanging on to a terrible relationship because you’re afraid of being alone? Or because you’re convinced it’s the best you can do?

4. If you’re frustrated because your husband won’t change (you’d like him to be more forceful or manly, for example), is it really necessary that he does? Is there anything in your family history that may be driving your need to transform him? (For example, perhaps your father never stood up for you when you needed him to do so.)

5. Have you been teaching your husband the wrong lessons by not challenging his hurtful behavior? (You don’t say anything when he criticizes you in public. He never washes the dishes, so you just do them, resentfully.)

6. Do you have fun together? Even when things are tough, do you make jokes about it? (A good sign.) If not, can you make time in your marriage for more play?

7. Are there conflicts that you’ve avoided in the relationship? What do you fear would happen if you confronted them?

8. Do you simply need more time alone? A weekend on your own every so often to make the heart grow fonder?

9. Has something occurred — a death, a big birthday, a job loss — that’s throwing off your relationship and needs to be addressed?

10. Have you done everything you possibly can to make this marriage work? Are you certain he has heard your complaints? Have you tried a marriage-education class or couples therapy? If he won’t go to counseling, have you gone yourself to see how you might save the relationship?

For me, the most clarity has come from thinking of marriage not as a noun, or a state of being, but as a verb, as in what “I do” (you say those two words for a reason), and therefore something I can do better. So rather than hang my marriage on the clearance rack, as I fear I’ve done, I vow to try to understand — even appreciate — his faults, err, growth opportunities. You know, I always wanted a red kitchen. Just think: pizza-proof.

Related posts:

1. 7 Biggest Marriage Problems: How They Ruin Your Relationship

1. GIVE IT TIME
We don’t like men who just assume if they try to pick us up that they’re going to. It’s not the approach; it’s the follow-up. You are wrong if you genuinely think that because of your approach you’re going to be attractive to women. It’s totally the opposite.

2. CHARM OUR PARENTS
Men are a reflection of our taste and judgment. A woman wants someone who’s going to be great when she introduces you to her friends and family. Be polite and thoughtful but not too affectionate. They don’t need to picture the two of you getting freaky when you leave their house. Not a good thing.

3. PASS THE TEST
Setbacks happen. We’re watching your response. Are you the kind of person to sit down, look us in the eye, and say ‘Okay, let’s work this thing out’? Or do you walk out and slam the door in our face? A woman wants someone who is going to stick around and be there through the messy stuff. No matter how ugly it gets.

4. SURPRISE US
We like it when a man uses his initiative and comes up with a surprise. Tell us to put an evening aside and what to wear. Even if it’s a picnic on the beach with a couple glasses of wine, a fancy dinner somewhere, or staying in to cook a nice meal while watching a movie. It’s the fact that you took the time to actually plan something for the two of us.

5. GIVE US A HUG
Every woman wants a man who knows how women work. We go through stages and certain guys can’t handle our mood swings. There’s another type of man who knows exactly what’s going on and will just give you a hug. That’s all we want sometimes: a hug and for you to say, “It’s going to be okay, sweetie.”

6. READ OUR MOOD
Often if women want something, we won’t directly ask for it. If we’re feeling needy that day and want a bit of attention or love from our guy, we might not show it outwardly. We want someone who’s going to read that need.

Related posts:

1. Top 10 Ways To A Healthy Relationship And Body
2. 5 Ways To Stay Faithful In Your Relationship

Women may think guys dig us because we have a great sense of humor, look hot, or can make a mean pot of chili — and those are certainly lovable qualities. But they aren’t really what guys love most about us.

A teacher, an electrician, a baseball coach, and a few other men find themselves sitting in the same downtown pub. Is this the beginning of a really bad joke? Or the start of a really great list of things men really love about their wives or girlfriends? Created from the weepy declarations, tipsy ramblings, and uncomfortable announcements gathered from a group of wonderfully willing male participants, here’s what they had to say:

They love it when we take control.
It might seem like they hate it when we’re bossy, but really, they only hate it when we boss them around. When we get badass with other people, they find it totally hot. One of our guys said:“My wife was working at home the other day, and while she was on a conference call, I listened to her chew someone out for screwing up. She didn’t yell or get nasty, but she made sure the person knew how displeased she was, and then completely shut down any excuses they tried to make; by the end of the call she had them apologizing. She was in total control, and everyone on the call knew it. It was at that moment that I realized my wife is a professional badass — and that I find it ridiculously sexy.”

They love watching sports with us — sort of.
While men consider watching sports mostly a guy thing (because of the cursing and the gluttony), every now and then they are happily surprised by our interest in and enthusiasm for their favorite athletic competition. “There is one sporting event every year that I love sharing with my wife: filling out our NCAA men’s basketball tournament brackets,” my teacher friend explains. “We’ve been filling out our brackets together every March since we first started dating. She was a ‘bracket virgin’ before we met, but now her enthusiasm for picking teams is pretty amazing. She chooses with her heart using a complicated system of geography, underdog status, and familial connections. Her brackets are an example of who she is — they are all about loyalty, hope, and happy memories. Her sense of conviction is so strong. How can you not love that?”

They love that we don’t want them to die — yet.
One man recently went to the doctor for a checkup and learned that his overall physical assessment had changed from “in the danger zone in several key categories” to “facing imminent demise.” Forgetting the childhood lesson learned from that hoagie-loving über-husband, Cliff Huxtable, and his hoagie-denying über-wife, Clair, from The Cosby Show, he made the mistake of telling his wife about the diagnosis. So now every morning and evening, his wife makes him a greenish-brown “smoothie” to drink. It’s made from things like kale, flax seed, and spinach, and it has the consistency of motor oil. He said it’s so bad it makes his taste buds feel ashamed. Every time he drinks one of her sickly-Yoda-colored drinks, it’s a little reminder that she doesn’t want to do just fine without him — she wants to do just fine with him. And he loves that.

They love that you know everything about each other.
Everyone agreed that after X years of marriage, there is very little they don’t know about their wives and vice versa. But even though their relationships may lack mystery, they all love that their women know exactly how they feel at a particular moment and why they feel that way. And that they know the same of their wives. That kind of intimacy is like a big plate of waffles on a cold morning. It might be syrupy sweet and make you fat and lethargic, but it’s comforting, heartwarming, and delicious.

They love that we talk their ears off.
When he’s not yakking about why he loves his wife over a plate of wings and some beers with the guys, he’s actually pretty quiet. For him, there is something soothing about how much his wife talks. “It’s like she’s doing the talking for the both of us. It’s relaxing. Her constant talking is like having a rerun of my favorite TV show on in the background after a long day: It’s familiar and funny and you can kind of tune in and out as you unwind.” Yes, ladies- it’s true. And from the mouth of a man. A lawyer man.

They love how we solve problems.
The baseball coach describes the way his wife tackles obstacles as full of drama: She rages, she cries, she internalizes everything. Her system of problem-solving takes a long time and involves making everything personal and leading with her emotions in a quest to see how she would feel about each possible solution. It is apparently a very stressful process. In contrast, the coach’s problem-solving method is to just try to find the fastest fix. When I asked him why he preferred his wife’s method, he said it was because “her decisions always end up being the right ones, whereas mine always end up being the quick ones.”

They love us — even in our sweats.
There is something to be said for the things in life that are effortlessly sexy. Sometimes lingerie and Princess Leia outfits feel forced, which can make everything that follows feel a little awkward. Says the artist:“My wife has a ratty pair of sweatpants that she’s owned since before we were even dating, and they are just about the sexiest thing on the planet. By some amazing alchemy of time blended with constant usage, these sweats have totally conformed to the shape of her body. They have holes above the pockets that show off the swoop of her hips and they have somehow managed to maintain their shape in the back so that they accentuate one of her finest features. I would take this pair of sweatpants over lingerie or Princess Leia outfits the majority of the time. Which is why it wasn’t that my wife was all glammed up the first night we slept together that made me think we could be physically compatible for the long haul — it was the fact that I wanted her just as badly the next morning.”

They love that we love them.
When asked what’s the most surprising thing he loves about his wife, the electrician says simply, “that she puts up with me.” Enough said.

Related posts:

1. Learning To Love Yourself:How It Helps Your Relationship
2. Make him fall in love with you..
3. How To Say I Love You For The First Time

1) Your bra and panties match
I know that coordination is something women do, which is why you can buy a bra and panty set together. But really, they’d prefer it all off anyway. So if you have on a fuschia bra and magenta panties, who cares? “Not I” says the bear. By the way, fuschia and magenta could be the same color as far as men know. Color is color.

2) Your boob size
See, if he’s with you, it’s because he likes you as you are. Which includes your boobs. He just wants to make sure you have some because, well, men like boobs. A-cup or Triple-H. He likes what you have because its part of you. So don’t keep asking  if your boobs are big enough. They’re never big enough. But he’s happy with yours because they’re yours which means they’re his for as long as you’ll let him play with them.

3) Decorating
Have you, ladies, ever done a bang up job decorating your man’s place…or better yet, thrown him a party with lavish decorations and stuff, and when he saw it he barely noticed and went for the first comfortable spot he could find? It’s because men dig comfort and routine. All that stuff can be extremely nice, but if it wasn’t there, would he find a way to be comfortable? Probably. I know many women need to create a space to feel like home. Most men create home with the space they have.

4) Gossip
It’s not that they don’t know who Paris Hilton is or who she’s sleeping with. I’m sure he’s heard about it on the news. However, he doesn’t care. Isn’t that why they have girlfriends? All the details of your friends love affairs are of no interest to him. Just pass a beer and he’ll listen anyway.

5) Why you are late
They’re generally just pissed that we’re late. The reason is insignificant. That’s jacked up, but really, so is that outfit–which means it’s not a good reason to be late. Do better next time.

Get it out of your head that your guy wants to hear about the latest trends and flip through your girly mags. The only thing he wants to read is Maxim or Playboy. Unless you have a blinking light on your forehead to hold his attention, keep it simple and short, and hold back on the decorating tips.

Related posts:

1. Funny Facts About Your Guys Bromance
2. Welcome to Chic Relationships!
3. Why Nice Guys Finish Last

That’s right, I’m talking about making your pursuers work a little. After all, we appreciate the things we earn more than the things that we are handed. So make your prospective partner win your affection the old-fashioned way. By earning it.

1.  Keep some secrets. Don’t blurt out every single detail about yourself in the first email or phone call. If you tell him everything up front, he has no need to ask you out in order to get to know you. Mute out important details so the guy you’re interested in has more reason to stay interested in you. This doesn’t mean you should lie or omit important information. Just be more mindful about what you say and when you say it.

2. Use the old fishing ploy. If you want to get a fish to bite your lure, you have to keep it moving enough to be interested but not so fast that  it’s too hard to catch. The darting action of a lure in the hands of a skilled fisherman (or woman) is usually hard to resist for a hungry fish. Bingo- you got what you were fishing for.

3. Play to win. Don’t be shy and don’t be a passive player. Show your strength. If you’re playing to win, you’ll put off a vibe saying  you’re only looking for serious suitors and that you’re not getting into a game if the stakes aren’t high. If you have doubts or aren’t sure about why you decided to play this round, don’t play it.

4. Be only slightly accessible. Make it a point to never be too available during the early stages of any relationship. You don’t want him to think you’ve got nothing better to do, even when you don’t. This makes him feel like he’d better work hard to get, and keep, your attention. Caution: You can take this too far. Your goal is to appear active and in demand rather than aloof or uninterested.

5. Be sexy while withholding sex. Don’t give it away when he’s perfectly willing to earn it. Dress up and look nice, but make it a strictly  ‘look, don’t touch’ situation until you’re sure he’s interested.

Playing hard to get isn’t hard. But it’s not a game for the faint of heart. The stakes can be high. By following these five handy rules, however, you’ll be in good shape to get and keep your date’s attention. Just remember not to overplay your hand, lest he take your mysterious cool as a sign of disinterest.

Related posts:

1. Top 10 Relationship Rules For Married Men
2. 5 Rules To Always Get What You Want
3. Things Guys Really Don’t Care About In Relationships

Sometimes it seems like no amount of aggressive cleavage or silent prayer will get that cute guy you’re eying up to take a hint and chat to you. You could be scaring him away before he even approaches you.

We asked a panel of men to share the reasons why they shy away from you. Their answers may surprise you: 

YOU’RE TOO FLIRTATIOUS- It’s one thing to make eyes at someone from across the room. But if that set of eyes multiplies to every set in the room, it’s blatantly obvious. Men like to think they are the only one you’re after, so flirting with every man that crosses your path basically tells them all that you’re “open for business.”

Believe it or not, this is not a turn on ladies. Neither is grinding on the dance floor. It may be fun to look at, but so are strippers. Not exactly the kind of girl he wants to take home to meet his mother. Sure, maybe he’ll notice you if you’re the loudest and most aggressive girl in the room- but not in a good way.

You Look Angry- Lose the perma-scowl. Save the pouty lips for the bedroom and trade it for a genuine, friendly smile and you’re more likely to be approached. The majority of men agree that an unfriendly facial expression will keep them from approaching you, so flash those pearly whites!

You Don’t Make Eye Contact- What’s harder than approaching a stranger? Approaching a stranger who hasn’t even acknowledged your existence with even so much as a glance. Men are visual creatures. If they don’t see that you’re interested, they won’t approach you. Next time you think he catches you looking at him, don’t look away. Hold your stare for a few seconds so he knows you’re looking, and that you like what you see.

You’re Constantly Surrounded By People: If you have an awesome group of friends, it can be a little intimidating, especially when a man approaches the entire group when he really wants to hit on you.  Being constantly surrounded makes you less approachable because of the embarrassment of being rejected in front of so many people. Check out the jukebox and linger for a bit, or offer to grab the next round of drinks for your friends so you give the opportunity to be approached alone. 

If you simply want to find a date, keep it simple and keep it light. Be friendly but not overly aggressive, and try to narrow it down to one man instead of the entire population. If that’s what you’re looking for, just write “open for business” on your forehead.

Related posts:

1. How To Avoid Being- “That Guy”

Does your man play XBox with his best friend almost every day of the week? And wear those stupid geeky headsets to talk to him? Ugh! Or how about sending childish emails to each other while they’re supposed to be working?

If your guy and his best friend are inseparable, you may have a slight issue on your hands! Some of you may be asking, “What exactly is a bromance?” Well, the examples above are a sure indicator! But the ones below will really knock your socks off! If your guys does any of the following, lord  help you!

1. He has more nicknames for his best guy friend than he does for you.

2. When you suggest a double date, for him that means you going out with your bestie and him going out on a man-date.

3. He went to see I Love You, Man... twice. And cried.

4. He and his “friend” have at least two identical outfits.

5. He spends more time getting ready for guys night out than for your dinner dates.

6. They have an “anthem” that they famously dub “our song.”

7. His pal pulled you aside on more than one occasion and said, “Take good care of him.”

8. He answers his buddy’s call.. during sex with you.

9. They take 15 minutes to tell the “hilarious” story about the first time they met. Again.

10. You finally earned enough airlines miles for that trip you wanted to take and he says, “Cool- Steve and I can go to Vegas!”

It’s not uncommon or abnormal for a man to have a best friend who he wants to hang out with. I mean, we have our best girlfriends, don’t we? Men think the same about us and our shopping sprees, and wonder why we have to pee together on double date nights, but that’s all part of life!

You either have to learn to accept it, or you will be one miserable and spiteful girlfriend. If it gets too unbearable, call your bestie up and get together for drinks. Hopefully by the time you get home, the bromance will have faded and you can open the door to only one annoying man.

Related posts:

1. Avoid Dating Disasters
2. Why Nice Guys Finish Last
3. Why Women Cheat: Relationship Facts You Should Know

Even if you have an insanely good relationship with your man, hearing the juicy details of an affair plants a tiny seed in your head. And you wonder… what if? Then you think, “Could there be anything to prevent this from happening?”

I’m here to tell you, yes. These are all simple, yet effective ways to keep your relationship going strong. And most of them you already know, maybe you just need a little reminder:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder: Big diamonds, non-farting men, no fat, great tasting icecream.. we like what’s rare in this world! Yet we rarely appreciate the scarcity in our relationships. To ward off the wandering eye, sometimes it’s best to give your partner the opportunity to miss you. So go ahead and volunteer at the school, or take up that kick boxing class. Men better understand our value when they have to sample a little competition- even if it is from the little league team!

Don’t fear your dark side: No, I’m not getting all Star Wars on you. The shadow sides of partnership (i.e.- the areas we avoid going in order to stay in our happy place) are often what pushes a spouse to seek a corrective outside of it. Ask yourself where you and your spouse are most at odds. Then you need to identify the qualities that define polarization, noting the ones that cause the most resentment. These are often the same qualities we need to cultivate in ourselves. Once those are addressed, you begin to balance yourself, freeing your partner from doing so, thus eliminating the dependency that hinders your marriage.

It’s never just about sex: Most affairs are born out of a man’s desire for emotional intimacy, not physical sensation. That being said, the two have an interesting link for men. Some men do not develop a deep emotional connection when it comes to sex, so a guy’s only connection to intimacy may remain physical. This is why when they crave more intimacy, they may turn to sex to fulfill that craving. Being physically intimate with a man can serve to open him up emotionally.

No apathy, but appreciation: Just because you vow “til death do us part” doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel when it comes to appreciating your spouse. That kind of complacency invites an apathy that slowly takes your bond for granted. Being taken for granted often leads to seeking value elsewhere. One of the smartest things you can do is recognize that your relationship could end at any time. Internalizing this perspective cultivates an active gratitude. That gratitude inspires a healthy urgency to show your loved one just how much you care.

Accept the Bro-Mance: Another essential relationship for men that can reduce the temptation of infidelity is the male friendship. Guys have a smaller vocabulary for those connections. They don’t talk about relationships with other guys. Unless they are complaining about us, of course. Women, you can protect your relationship by supporting your partner’s friendships with other guys. It expands the vocabulary men have for the important bonds in their lives and fills the vacuum of intimacy that is often compensated for with inappropriate romances.

Ask yourself why you value your partner, and what you can do to show him. It could be as simple as a spoken compliment, or an email to let him know you’re thinking of him. If you feel under appreciated, ask your guy to do the same. Don’t go a single day without asserting your value to each other in some small way, and see what results.

Related posts:

1. Top 10 Ways To A Healthy Relationship And Body
2. 6 Ways To Improve Your Relationship With Her