So you met the perfect guy. But he has children. Do you embrace this situation or move on? Nobody can answer that but you. If you aren’t a fan of children, it probably isn’t a good idea to venture there. That’s an instant stressor for all involved. Especially if you have no intention of ever having children or dealing with someone elses.
They can be intimidating at times, but certainly nothing to be afraid of. The situation will, however, get uncomfortable if they sense your hesitation or lack of enthusiasm. Some children will play your feelings against your mates if they know it may cause a rift between the two of you. Just ease into it and keep your distance if they seem unwelcoming. If you think you can handle it, keep trying with small gestures of kindness. Hopefully the child will warm up to you.
If you have children of your own, and you’re afraid of having your child(ren) meet your new man, take it slow. Meet at the park or the movies. Some place the children don’t feel like they have to interact. If they get along, do it a few more times before you actually make a big deal about it. Have them over for a lunch play date and give them time alone to get to know each other.
Whatever the situation, easing into it is the best possible thing you can do. It’s hard for children to make the transition of a significant other being in the picture because they sometimes feel that person is “taking over” for mom or dad. Never discipline your partners child unless the two of you have discussed it previously. That could cause some unwanted tension for everyone. The child may come to resent you and your partner could view you as pushy and controlling.
If there is a bad situation where the children are not getting along, take your child aside and suggest he do the same, and deal with it as a separate issue. Then you can sit them down together and discuss the inappropriate behavior so everyone is on the same page. When children are involved, it’s a touchy situation and you do not want them to be put in the middle or made to choose sides. If handled correctly, adding a few smiling faces to your life could be a great thing!
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