Do your in-laws question everything you do? Are they always correcting you and telling you right from wrong? Well sit back, take a deep breath, and read on because you are not alone!
Getting unsolicited advice about anything and everything is never very welcoming. Especially in your own home. If you cook with butter, you get a lecture about cholesterol. If you put a sweater on your child, they should have a coat instead. If you put on a white dress, it should have been black. The list goes on and on…
And don’t even get me started on raising your children. I get enough grief from my own mother! I can’t even swat them on the butt without getting yelled at even though she use to beat the crap out of me when I was a kid! (sorry mom)
One sobering fact is that those type of mother-in-laws may actually know what they are talking about. After all, they have had many more years of experience dealing with life issues. Hell they may even give you a good piece of advice or two! But that doesn’t mean you have to like it. Because I don’t think many of us do!
A tricky part to the equation is your spouse. It’s his mother so more than likely he is going to sway towards not getting too upset at her. And if he’s a momma’s boy, look out. You’re about to get a double dose of that disaster. He will probably take her side and you will be left in the dust to fend for yourself.
This is an uncomfortable situation that most of us have been in. Some just ignore her annoying advice, but others let it grate on their nerves so badly that it becomes an issue in the marriage. I mean, what gives her the right to tell you how to raise your kids? Or to just walk into your house whenever she feels like it? You already have one mother (which is plenty), you don’t need somebody else nipping at your heels.
Whatever the qualm, the first step is to talk to your spouse about it. Nicely. Don’t start slinging insults about his mother or listing her faults. This will only put him on defense mode. After the two of you have discussed it and come to a decision, you both should sit down with her and make her aware of your rules.
If you just got married or had a baby, she’s more likely to be around for “support” that you may not want or need. Make it known that you appreciate her gesture but you are just fine on your own. This may greatly offend some mother-in-laws and their claws will come out. They like to be in control, make their presence known. Gently remind her you would love for her to play a role in your new life, but on your terms, not hers.
Clearing the air right away usually puts things at ease, even if no major problems have been resolved. At least the issues are out there and hopefully it will pave the way for future resolutions and compromises. Communication is the key. Don’t be bullied because you’re the newbie. If you can’t come up with a solution that pleases everyone, let her know Whos The Boss- and it ain’t Tony Danza!
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