Sparkly engagement rings use to be the symbol of ultimate security for the single gal. However, a dangerous class of woman is on the rise- those who do not consider a wedding band a hindrance. They crave the excitement of a passionate romance, but they want an added challenge. In other words: they want your man and aren’t the least bit afraid to go after him.

Chasing married men is not a new trend. If the tabloids are correct, it’s also a habit largely formed in Hollywood.  Latest being the shamed golfer, Tiger Woods and his countless partners, and the tragic tryst between Sandra Bullock’s soon to be ex with the not so classy tattooed stripper.

In a recent study, bachelorettes were divided into two groups and were shown a photograph of an attractive male. One group was told he was single, the other that he was taken. Then the women were asked how likely they were to pursue him. Only when the women believed he was committed did the interest in him skyrocket.

Research shows that in a society where women are economically powerful, the more sexually and socially aggressive they are. With more men out of work than women nowadays, we are seeing women become bolder in every aspect of their lives.

There is even a chemical explanation for why women pursue men that are in relationships. Any block to romantic love drives up dopamine (a brain chemical associated with love and reward.) That brain rush may be addictive. For women who base their self-esteem on looks and romantic status, that brain rush can be an intoxicating and driving force. She, in turn, views committed men with rose-colored glasses. 

But this high doesn’t last very long. That’s because men are often happy to have a little sex on the side, but are rarely willing to leave their wives or girlfriends. Problem being, these female poachers who are expending all of their energy on men in relationships, are overlooking potential guys who could be compatible long-term mates.

Men in relationships have already proven their willingness to commit, which is a major draw to these types of women. What they don’t consider, is the household they may disrupt and the damage it will cause to a marriage.

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We may question that men aren’t the sharpest tack in the box, but they are pretty good at interpreting a woman’s body language. Make sure you are in complete control of signals, because you don’t want to send the wrong one.

Use body language to your advantage and give yourself the upper hand. Send only the signals you want him to receive. Here are a few of the most common with a brief description:

EYE CONTACT: Is the first way you will connect. Just be careful how long you gaze, unless you are prepared to scare him off. Some men don’t like such direct behavior and may be put off by it.  But if there is a connection and you both feel it, he may be aroused by feeling he is the only person in the room. If you aren’t comfortable and feel odd staring into his eyes, simply gaze at him. Hold eye contact for a moment then casually look away. Doing this throughout the conversation will let him know you are interested, but won’t scare him off by thinking you are reading deep into his soul.

ARM CROSSING: One of two things can happen here. You are either trying to draw attention to your chest, which is sneaky! Or you are telling him you don’t like him and are completely annoyed. Be mindful the placement of your arms and keep your expression in tune with it. If you have them tightly wrapped with a scowl on your face, I think he’ll get the hint! But if you’re flirting, your arms may be a little lower while squeezing his favorite two things together! 

LEG CROSSING: A dangerous signal so beware! If he sees you squirming in your seat, he has the upper hand. He will know that somehow he’s getting to you. Many people cross and uncross their legs unconsciously but it makes you look anxious, so be careful. If your top leg is pointed in his direction, it’s a sign that you like him. It can also be interpreted as a provocative gesture as well, so if you’re Sharon Stone, cross away!

LICKING YOUR LIPS: The major “let’s go!” signal! Running your tongue along your lips is a sultry way of saying, I want you! So take heed ladies. If you just have a dry mouth, drink water! Watch the lips because most men understand this to mean they will be taking you back to their place! If that’s what you want, go easy on the lipstick that night!

HAIR TWIRLING: Playing with your hair may be a nervous habit, but it can also send the wrong message to your date. It conveys boredom in conversation, or flirtingly, can just be a playful gesture. A lot of men don’t like the hair tufting so draw his attention some other way.

LEANING IN TOWARDS HIM: The most common body language signal. This gesture shows you are interested so don’t go overboard with it. You have to keep him guessing! Leaning away from him tends to mean you are not very impressed and he needs to work overtime to keep your attention.

There are many more ways to use body language to your advantage but that’s up to you and your desires. If you plan on going home alone that night, maybe you’ll want to cross your arms instead of licking your lips!

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YOU CHEAT: Well obviously this would be #1 ! Who wants to be cheated on? If he continues to allow it, he is cultivating bad behavior and condoning your problem. There’s no reason to cheat- if you don’t want to be with him, let him go with his dignity intact.

YOU FLIRT WITH OTHER GUYS: Helloooo.. that’s a no brainer! So there’s this guy you hang around but you’re a little too friendly. There’s not a lot worse than making your man feel that you’re having more fun than you have with him. If you laugh at all of his jokes, touch him flirtingly and hang on his every word, then you should probably be dating him and not your current fling.

YOU DON’T BACK HIM UP: Men have a tendency to stick their foot in their mouth, am I right? If you’re around family or friends and a controversial issue arises, stand by your man. Always back him up. If it’s something you don’t agree with, you can chew him out when you get home!

YOU CRITICIZE HIM: Men need their integrity in tact, along with self esteem. If you criticize him in a way that hurts his successful psyche, that’s a no no. All boys need to believe they can accomplish anything and these types of comments are a total downer for them so they will resent you for it.

YOU LIE: Yes even little white lies. They lead to bigger problems, ladies. You went out with the girls but you told him you were shopping. So what, right? Wrong. If you’re willing to lie about unimportant matters, you’re willing to lie to save face when there’s a more important issue. For most men, lying is a total deal breaker.

YOU NEGLECT HIM PUBLICLY: If your attention is caught by an old acquaintance or friend from work, do not leave your man standing there laughing nervously. Introduce him. If you can’t take the time to regard his presence, he’s pretty low on your priority list.

YOU ABUSE HIM: Yea we all want to lay into our boyfriends once in awhile to let off some steam, but there’s no need to take it over the top! Even verbally. Relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, so have some. You don’t need to fly off the handle to make your point known- show some self control.

YOU DISAPPEAR WITH NO WARNING: Timing does not matter in this scenario. Whether you’re dating one month or a year, you need to keep the lines of communication open. It’s called respect. If you need to get away or you’re going on vacation, he doesn’t need to find out  from an answering machine.

YOU HUMILIATE HIM: He is your boyfriend, not your child. Do not correct him in public or in front of family and friends. You are suppose to be equals in a relationship so discuss issues like adults, not children.

YOU ABUSE SUBSTANCES: If he helped you get hooked, he’s got an obligation to the issue that’s risen from it. If he suddenly discovered it, priorities should shift. Having a drug or alcohol problem is a pretty big deal and can definitely be a strain on a relationship if only one partner is partaking.

These really are easy remedies to fix. If you are pulling any of the stunts above, it’s time to analyze your relationship. If you’re doing these things in the first place, you probably shouldn’t be with him. When you are happy and in love, there is no need for this nonsense. Show him some respect and either grow up, or move on.

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Cheating can be a temptation, and also the cowardly way out of ending your current relationship. If you’ve met a new guy and you can’t decide on letting him go, ask yourself the following:

Are you willing to give up this friendship? If the answer is no, then he has obviously become emotionally important to you which threatens the emotional and physical bond between you and your partner.

Would you confront him about your mixed feelings? Knowing this could end your “flirtation”, are you brave enough to ask about the boundary lines and risk losing them?

Would you miss the emotional tie? Have the elements of flirtation or the emotional tie developed into something you look forward to and you would miss them if they ended?

How would your partner perceive this relationship? If receiving a phone call from your mate while with your flirt makes you uncomfortable, there are definitely inappropriate feelings. Are you reluctant for your partner to know about the interactions with your flirt, even if they are non sexual?

This is a dangerous path to be on so tread lightly. The best way to keep yourself out of this situation is to not be in inappropriate settings together, set boundaries and make them crystal clear, do not discuss personal issues that push your friendship to another level, and do not keep interactions like this from your partner.

Reduce your vulnerability from outsiders who may wish to pursue an affair or who are receptive to the idea. If you think a friendship is morphing into a relationship, you need to step back and take a good look at the situation. Decide if you are willing to give up your partner for a little fun on the side that will probably end up in heartache anyway.

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and our sexual relationship has recently gone to non existent. I’m not quite sure what to do but it’s always awkward getting into bed at night. I know couples don’t have to have sex every single day, but when you go from twice a day to twice a month, it makes you wonder. Is it me?

This is a common problem in relationships due to lack of communication. Men either prefer to be the aggressor, or the prey . If he isn’t the pursuer, he must be the type who loves to be doted upon. He needs to feel desirable and attractive, therefore, waiting to be pounced. For him, the turn-on is feeling irresistible.

This can be a problem for some women because they may feel rejected, unattractive and unwanted. If you are the one always making the first move, carefully broach the topic and ask what he prefers. As long as he feels wanted and knows you will pursue him, he will be on board and willing to compromise.

Tell him what you like and bring variety to the table. If it feels planned and it’s always the same, it will become a chore, not a pleasurable experience. Hopefully talking about it will allow him to understand the importance of initiating it once in a while.

Trust me, it’s not you. Men love sex. Some just prefer you to chase them.

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