I often wonder if men just aren’t wired for monogamy. Almost daily, we read articles and hear stories of relationships falling prey to an affair. You have to admit, it tends to make you a little nervous.
Even if you have an insanely good relationship with your man, hearing the juicy details of an affair plants a tiny seed in your head. And you wonder… what if? Then you think, “Could there be anything to prevent this from happening?”
I’m here to tell you, yes. These are all simple, yet effective ways to keep your relationship going strong. And most of them you already know, maybe you just need a little reminder:
Absence makes the heart grow fonder: Big diamonds, non-farting men, no fat, great tasting icecream.. we like what’s rare in this world! Yet we rarely appreciate the scarcity in our relationships. To ward off the wandering eye, sometimes it’s best to give your partner the opportunity to miss you. So go ahead and volunteer at the school, or take up that kick boxing class. Men better understand our value when they have to sample a little competition- even if it is from the little league team!
Don’t fear your dark side: No, I’m not getting all Star Wars on you. The shadow sides of partnership (i.e.- the areas we avoid going in order to stay in our happy place) are often what pushes a spouse to seek a corrective outside of it. Ask yourself where you and your spouse are most at odds. Then you need to identify the qualities that define polarization, noting the ones that cause the most resentment. These are often the same qualities we need to cultivate in ourselves. Once those are addressed, you begin to balance yourself, freeing your partner from doing so, thus eliminating the dependency that hinders your marriage.
It’s never just about sex: Most affairs are born out of a man’s desire for emotional intimacy, not physical sensation. That being said, the two have an interesting link for men. Some men do not develop a deep emotional connection when it comes to sex, so a guy’s only connection to intimacy may remain physical. This is why when they crave more intimacy, they may turn to sex to fulfill that craving. Being physically intimate with a man can serve to open him up emotionally.
No apathy, but appreciation: Just because you vow “til death do us part” doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel when it comes to appreciating your spouse. That kind of complacency invites an apathy that slowly takes your bond for granted. Being taken for granted often leads to seeking value elsewhere. One of the smartest things you can do is recognize that your relationship could end at any time. Internalizing this perspective cultivates an active gratitude. That gratitude inspires a healthy urgency to show your loved one just how much you care.
Accept the Bro-Mance: Another essential relationship for men that can reduce the temptation of infidelity is the male friendship. Guys have a smaller vocabulary for those connections. They don’t talk about relationships with other guys. Unless they are complaining about us, of course. Women, you can protect your relationship by supporting your partner’s friendships with other guys. It expands the vocabulary men have for the important bonds in their lives and fills the vacuum of intimacy that is often compensated for with inappropriate romances.
Ask yourself why you value your partner, and what you can do to show him. It could be as simple as a spoken compliment, or an email to let him know you’re thinking of him. If you feel under appreciated, ask your guy to do the same. Don’t go a single day without asserting your value to each other in some small way, and see what results.
Eat healthy: If you follow the 80/20 rule (eating healthy 80% of the time and splurging 20%), it’s ok to indulge in those oh so tempting things you shouldn’t be eating on a daily basis. Eat low-fat dairy, swap tea for soda, use whole grains, snack on nuts and fruit, and don’t stuff yourself until you can’t move. You’ll be amazed at how much energy you will gain by changing a few key elements in your diet and eating smaller portions. The less full you feel, the more apt you are to get physical. Eating right not only improves your health and cleanses your body, it also makes you mentally feel better about the choices you are making.
Reduce stress: Whether it’s your children, your boss, your spouse, or your mortgage, there’s always some kind of stress looming around the corner to make your day a little more unbearable. You may not know it, but stress takes a bigger toll on your body other than driving you crazy. It can lower your immune system and shorten your life span. However, it’s seemingly unavoidable at times so try taking a few extra deep breaths or learn to meditate. Figuring out what is causing the most stress and eliminating it is the most important thing you can do. Taking a break from work or concentrating on one thing instead of several will alleviate some of the pressure. If you just can’t seem to break your heavy workload, drink a cup of tea. Caffeinated black tea has been shown to lower stress levels. 
Exercise: You don’t have to spend a fortune at the gym or hire a personal trainer to get fit. And the “no time” excuse is so old. Take 10 minutes out of your day 3 times a week and see how much your energy levels increase. Find a friend to go with you for more motivation. There are so many online workout programs and schedules to follow, you’re bound to find one that suits your lifestyle. Change your routine or walking route weekly so you don’t get bored. Go dancing! Many people don’t know, but dancing burns a lot of calories while toning your body. There are so many ways to get your body into shape so stop making excuses and get moving! 
Get enough rest: Your bed should be used for two things. Sex and sleep. There shouldn’t be a television in your room because it will only tempt you to watch your favorite show, which may lead to eating a late night snack. Studies have shown that getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night can contribute to a healthier heart, slimmer body, lower your risk for depression, and obviously make you feel more rested when you wake. Try not to eat an hour before bed, don’t talk about problems, money, or work while in bed. Get everything out of your system so you can have a peaceful and relaxing sleep.
Break bad habits: This is a no-brainer but not so easy to do. Obviously there is nothing healthy about smoking. And did you know that tanning booths may be carcinogenic and also habit forming? If drinking is an issue, pick sober friends. Addiction to sex is becoming a bigger problem now, leading to pornography and relationship troubles. New research shows you can actually be addicted to burgers and fries! Know your limits and stop before any of these habits get out of control.
Keep your heart healthy: It beats thousands of times per day so help keep it strong by staying in shape, eating right, and kicking those bad habits. Be aware of heart attack risks, there are different warning signs for women. Everybody doesn’t grab their chest and drop to the floor! Eat foods like avocados, walnuts, and use olive oil instead of butter. These are all healthy fats if used in moderation. Stay away from “white” foods like bagels and bread because they spike your blood pressure quickly. Substitute with whole grains. 
Get happy: Take off those grumpy pants and smile! Aim for happy, not perfect. Perfectionism has actually been linked to depression and stress. Doing things for other people boosts your self-worth so get out there and lend a hand. Remember to savor the happy moments and use them during your not so happy ones. If you need to, start a journal. You can write down things you are thankful for, things you are striving to achieve, or scribble down your anger instead of projecting it onto someone! Do not focus on looks, fame or money. Instead try doing community service or strengthening relationships to bring you more happiness. 
Boost body image: It’s time to let go of the mental image you want yourself to be. You are not a barbie or a swimsuit model. You are a human being who is a lot more than a size or a number on the scale. Embrace your beauty, curves and all. Don’t compare yourself to others because you are who you are. Be a positive role model for your children and for others. But most importantly, remember the models on the magazine covers are all airbrushed to perfection! Nobody is perfect so accept your flaws. 
Achieve your idea weight: For some, this may be a difficult step. By altering your diet and sticking to the rules, you can shed those unwanted pounds and keep them off. It doesn’t happen over night so be realistic in your goals. Figure out what triggers your over eating and nix it. Replace that with a healthy snack but allow one indulgence a day so your body doesn’t go into shock! Drink plenty of water, especially before meals. If your stomach feels full, the less you will eat at mealtime. If you want smaller portions, try ordering off of the kids menu when out. Cutting out soda and juice is a huge help so cut back to one a day if you must have it. Find a motivational picture and carry it with you, physically and or mentally. When you reach for the snack cupboard, remember that photo. 
Have better sex: Having sex not only improves your mental health, but your physical health as well. Some people get stuck in a rut and need to spice things up a bit. Be spontaneous, change positions. This increases excitement and enhances your experience. Being in your boring ol bed can become monotonous and stale. It’s fun to try new things, new rooms and positions. Get and give massages. There’s nothing greater than the power of touch. Being relaxed will help keep you focused on your partner and in the mood. If it’s too crazy at your house with children or house guests, book a hotel room for a night or two. Sex can actually lower your stress levels so being in tune with your body and your lover will bring you the most pleasure. If you just can’t seem to get in the mood, talk with your doctor about switching your birth control. Some pills can lower your sex drive.
