Chic Relationships

I often wonder if men just aren’t wired for monogamy. Almost daily, we read articles and hear stories of relationships falling prey to an affair. You have to admit, it tends to make you a little nervous. 

Even if you have an insanely good relationship with your man, hearing the juicy details of an affair plants a tiny seed in your head. And you wonder… what if? Then you think, “Could there be anything to prevent this from happening?”

I’m here to tell you, yes. These are all simple, yet effective ways to keep your relationship going strong. And most of them you already know, maybe you just need a little reminder:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder: Big diamonds, non-farting men, no fat, great tasting icecream.. we like what’s rare in this world! Yet we rarely appreciate the scarcity in our relationships. To ward off the wandering eye, sometimes it’s best to give your partner the opportunity to miss you. So go ahead and volunteer at the school, or take up that kick boxing class. Men better understand our value when they have to sample a little competition- even if it is from the little league team!

Don’t fear your dark side: No, I’m not getting all Star Wars on you. The shadow sides of partnership (i.e.- the areas we avoid going in order to stay in our happy place) are often what pushes a spouse to seek a corrective outside of it. Ask yourself where you and your spouse are most at odds. Then you need to identify the qualities that define polarization, noting the ones that cause the most resentment. These are often the same qualities we need to cultivate in ourselves. Once those are addressed, you begin to balance yourself, freeing your partner from doing so, thus eliminating the dependency that hinders your marriage.

It’s never just about sex: Most affairs are born out of a man’s desire for emotional intimacy, not physical sensation. That being said, the two have an interesting link for men. Some men do not develop a deep emotional connection when it comes to sex, so a guy’s only connection to intimacy may remain physical. This is why when they crave more intimacy, they may turn to sex to fulfill that craving. Being physically intimate with a man can serve to open him up emotionally.

No apathy, but appreciation: Just because you vow “til death do us part” doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel when it comes to appreciating your spouse. That kind of complacency invites an apathy that slowly takes your bond for granted. Being taken for granted often leads to seeking value elsewhere. One of the smartest things you can do is recognize that your relationship could end at any time. Internalizing this perspective cultivates an active gratitude. That gratitude inspires a healthy urgency to show your loved one just how much you care.

Accept the Bro-Mance: Another essential relationship for men that can reduce the temptation of infidelity is the male friendship. Guys have a smaller vocabulary for those connections. They don’t talk about relationships with other guys. Unless they are complaining about us, of course. Women, you can protect your relationship by supporting your partner’s friendships with other guys. It expands the vocabulary men have for the important bonds in their lives and fills the vacuum of intimacy that is often compensated for with inappropriate romances.

Ask yourself why you value your partner, and what you can do to show him. It could be as simple as a spoken compliment, or an email to let him know you’re thinking of him. If you feel under appreciated, ask your guy to do the same. Don’t go a single day without asserting your value to each other in some small way, and see what results.

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healthy relationships, infidelity