There’s no doubt that the dynamics of a male friendship change once one of the guys gets a serious girlfriend. If the girl is cool (or at least tolerable), the most his guy pal will have to deal with is the occasional third-wheel night and the loss of some quality male-bonding time. But let’s face it, some girls are just plain bitchy (especially when it comes to their boyfriend’s single friends) and this can cause serious strife between her guy and his friends.
Assuming you’re not being a total ass to her, you may want to attempt to enter that dangerous terrain otherwise known as a woman’s mind to get to the bottom of the girlfriend’s bitchiness. You are not at fault for her mood swings, but you’ll be one step closer to a remedy if you can understand the twists and turns of her logic. We also recommend taking the straightforward male approach here and asking your buddy for confirmation on the reason (if she’s told him, that is). Here are some of the most probable reasons for her ice queen behavior:
She sees you as the party guy
Once a girl has her claws in a good man, she doesn’t want to risk having him taken away from her. She may trust her boyfriend, but will still feel threatened if he continues to go bar-hopping with his other single guy friends frequently. And if you’re one of those friends, she’s going to assume that you’re trying to encourage her man to retreat back to singledom, and she’s going to target you as a threat to her domestic happiness.
What to do about it: It’s not your job to ease her insecurities, but you can subtly show her that you’re not all about encouraging your friend to chase after T&A every time he’s out with you. Invite her to hang with the boys on a night out to your usual guy haunt so she can see with her own eyes just how harmless your socializing (usually) is.
You’ve excluded her
Being a new girlfriend and getting introduced to a man’s guy friends can be intimidating. Group situations and inside jokes can make her feel like an outsider and if you haven’t made at least a small effort to include her, she’s going to feel slighted by you because of it.
What to do about it: There’s no need for you to roll out the red carpet for this girl, but the simple act of walking over to her during a group hangout and chatting one-on-one for a couple of minutes makes a world of difference (in a woman’s mind.)
She envies your friendship with her man
If it were up to most women, they’d like to be their man’s go-to person for everything. Whether it be advice about a work problem or being their “plus one” to a sporting event they have no interest in, women are looking to be numero uno in their significant other’s life, even if your friendship with her boyfriend has taken 10 years to cultivate and she’s only been around for three months.
What to do about it: Do not sacrifice your confidant status with your friend, but do show his girlfriend that her opinion is valued. Ask her for girl advice or financial tips if she’s an investment banker. Even if she hasn’t trumped you, she’ll feel satisfied with being on the same level.
She sees you as a bum
If a woman is in it to win it, she’s looking for a man who is mature and ambitious enough to take the next step with her, whether that be moving in together or marriage. If you happen to be the friend who still lives at home, is unemployed by choice and spends much of his daylight hours cheering on contestants on The Price Is Right, she will immediately label you as a hostile presence looking to drag her boyfriend down with you.
What to do about it: There’s absolutely no need to change your blissfully happy existence for your buddy’s girl, but subtle compliments on your friend’s cool job or his new apartment in front of her can help prove that you’re not looking to kidnap her lover into your lair of daytime television and stale cereal.
She’s a bitch, plain and simple
There’s always the possibility that there’s absolutely no shred of logic underlying the reason for the girlfriend’s coldness toward you. She is simply a cold, manipulative wench with an inability to see outside her own experience.
What to do about it: If playing nice hasn’t worked, just sit your friend down and be honest with him. He’ll likely curse you out at first but when he (hopefully) sees the light, he’ll remember and appreciate your honesty. In the meantime, brush up on the art of subtle passive-aggressive insults for when you’re unfortunate enough to have to be in her company.
It’s easy to write off a friend’s girlfriend who isn’t acting all warm and cuddly to you from the start, but there are a slew of reasons to put in some effort and try to build a good relationship with her — the most important being your friendship with your buddy. No matter what the cause, he will always feel in the middle if there’s tension between his friend and his girlfriend, and losing a good friend over that really sucks. But there are also loads of secondary reasons to try to be the bigger person in this scenario, including the fact that a great relationship with a friend’s girlfriend will almost always lead to awesome hookups with her hot friends and/or invaluable wing-woman time with random chicks. Reap your rewards, men!
02/04/2011 at 6:33 pm Permalink
there is a nother reason your gf’s freinds might not like u, she may just think that you want her for “grabs” and is going to dumb her when you get whatcha want